I hate the financial institutions, their attitudes, their accents of the phone, their treatment of you and I as a resource instead of a person, and basically everything that holds their very being together. As one of the many who are out there skinning their knuckles to earn money, be it employed or as a free agent, getting to slap their smarmy shiny bastard faces once in a while makes me very happy.
I am owed a lot of money by customers, all at the same time, which will make eating and buying diesel a risky affair until the cheques are in the bank. It’s the price you pay for freedom, sometimes when the sun shines and I’m heading north on a Wednesday, it’s worth every heartache, other times when the pressure is on I wonder just how much peace of mind a regular pay would bring.
“Dear Mr Macfarlane,
You are dead in the water, you’re not putting any money into your account, we think you’ve gone away and hid under a rock, leaving a gaping hole tens of pounds wide in our bank, which may well topple this mighty financial institution. We have cut you off.
The Bank xx”
So, they killed my business account before telling me, resulting in scheduled payment armageddon. I phoned, I was passed from one voice without an IQ to another. I left contact details and went away to strangle pipes.
“Mr Macfarlane? I’m reviewing your account after your communications earlier today and I have to say that there’s no future for you at our bank. You have no income, no overdraught, no balance, no hope and indeed I am only here to patronise you from my nice office while I count the minutes until I go home this Friday afternoon, try paying your bills now”.
“I see. You realise there’s a recession on, and demanding money with menaces is frowned upon unless you work for the authorities? So, I just have to wait until the money comes in, times are hard for everyone”.
“It’s your responsibility to look after your finances responsibly”.
“So after asking for nothing for years, waiting patiently in queues in your understaffed bank, paying all the charges a business account accrues without complaint, when it looks like I might have some issues, rather than a letter or a phone call to ask if I was okay, if there was anything you could do to help, you cut through my achilles tendons when I’m not looking and just watch me fall?”
“Thanks for the support. You’re in front of your computer aren’t you? What’s your email address?”
I was just back at base, so I shuffled through my virtual paperwork and sent through some copies of as-yet unpaid invoices I’d sent to customers.
“Yes Mr Macfarlane, but that’s not quite enough to… ” I sent some more, “Ah, okay. Well I can see that business is…”
I sent through some work orders I’ve got for stuff that’s coming up. “Well, Mr Macfarlane, that changes everything…”
“So now that you know what’s coming you want to be my best pal again don’t you, eh?”
“Well, I wouldn’t put it like that…”
“Why not just ask me, why not pretend just for a minute that we’re all people doing our best in currently difficult circumstances, and phone me to see what’s happening to save either of us getting into a situation?”
“It’s not our culture, and it’s automated…” Both parts of that sentence gave me all the answers I needed.
They makes the rules and then change them once we’re in the game so they can squeeze and exploit us. We are food, no more than that. What about humanity and consideration.
I dunno, could we starve them? Put in exactly enough money to cover our direct debits, standing orders and cheques see how they do with no money to play with, then stand with our arms folded until they agree to whatever demands we feel like presenting them with. If they try any fancy shit we’ll go all-cash and watch the bastards stew in their own pish.