Jelly Tots in cardboard tubes

I was gazing out of the window as a low sheet of cloud slithered slowly off of the low slopes of Muirshiel leaving a white Hill of Stake stark against the grey all around it. I was lying to myself by saying it was a mini inversion when a flash of colour caught my eye closer to home.

The river is heaving with debris after the storm, trees and 40gal drums (the usual suspects) mingle with countless other shapeless futureless oddments, but in the midle of the river was an orange shape. I squinted at it, orange with a yellow dot and a couple of black dots facing towards me, longish, sort of a lozenge shape, drifting down river. Oh my god, it’s a capsized kayak.

I looked at the phone and checked myself, binoculars, where are the binoculars. On the porch windowsill which is past an assault course of discarded hoover, guitar cases, Holly’s shoes and bags of crap to replace the Christmas decorations I was getting down from the attic “later”. I bounced down to the porch, one-eightied as fast as I could and got back to the window hoping that the orange shape hadn’t slipped behind the roof-line of the building it was gliding towards, the same roof that ruins all my photies from the window may well have me on the phone to the Coastguard.

I smacked the binoculars off my glasses, cursed, winced and threw the glasses on the couch then tried to tune the focus into my tired eyes. It’s been a helluva week. I scanned the water, skidded past a flash of colour and backtracked to lock onto it, was I just wasting time doing this when rescue could be on the way. I tried to sharpen the image, damn these things are slow to adjust, something was sticking up from the shape, someone waving… a balloon… a balloon?
A balloon sticking up from a big bunch of balloons, a big bunch of orange, yellow and black balloons, tied together, floating down the river like a halloween life raft.

Obviously I’m glad I checked. I’ll say this, every home should have an accessible fire escape, head torch, slip on shoes, can of Irn Bru and binoculars.

Glad tidings to all, for the day was saved by the first Christmas dinner of the year, and my first dinner of any kind since Tuesday. Hurrah, come on next week, what you go for me ya bastard eh?

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