Deaf Förever

I felt like I had a greasy ear, or ears I should say, after my recent trip South. After coming home from camping a few days later I was feeling like I was a little underwater, a couple of days later I woke up and I was completely deaf.
The hearing in my left ear drifted back a little as the day went on and crackled in and out of use on its own recognizance. The right ear felt like a golf ball had been inserted, or maybe that ball from Phantasm, because the spikes came out now and again just to bring some variety to the programme. It was also unplugged at the exchange, I tapped at it, but there was no response and no dialling tone.
I know I’ve got some hearing damage from industrial wear and tear and years playing in bands, but the only big issues I’ve ever had with my ears was when I got some metal shards shot in one from a fanny using an angle grinder two feet away without giving me any any warning. The aftermath was inconvenient let’s say.
I had earache driving to Ayr in 1973 in the back of a Morris Minor too.

I stayed on the right side of panic, no doctor’s appointment was to be had, I didn’t fancy A+E, so I made do until I got to the Doc’s on Tuesday. Driving was a little strange, but constantly asking folk to repeat themselves was actually rather amusing, I reckon pensioners do it for kicks. Having only mono capacity meant I couldn’t tell what direction sound was coming from which is very odd indeed, having too look around to see what and where it is rather than go straight to it is a pain in the tits.
The locum doctor squeezed, peered and sighed. There’s some shit in there now (I think that’s what she said anyway, I’m hard of hearing remember), we’ll need to get that out before we can see what the cause is underneath. Take this written paper stuff and exchange for a remedy.
Olive bastard oil in a tiny pipetted bottle. What the hell man? I was disappointed to say the least.
Still, despite the immediate plans for taking this lightweight cooking oil dispenser camping instead to go with the Jetboil frying pan (coming soon), I stuck with the programme of drops and lying down and ruining every t-shirt or cushion I dripped near. And now, as of today, the right ear is switching on and off with loud cracks that coincide with changes of pressure and adjustments to balance and navigational control. I feel that progress is being made in one direction or the other.

I know it’s an entirely minor ailment, but bloody hell you don’t half have your knees wobbled when one of your senses gets a temporarily out of order sign hung on it.

19 thoughts on “Deaf Förever

  1. Fuori servizio as they say in Italy.
    I got pharyngitis one winter after giving a lecture with a bad cold, lost my voice totally for over a week. Very scary considering my job depends on my ability to speak, but it had its entertaining moments too, like going into the chippy with a piece of paper with my order written on it!
    Hope comms are swiftly restored.

  2. I was once in Skye on holiday and I was suffering reduced hearing and constant pain in both ears.
    Eventually I went to the doctor and was told that I had a triple ear infection.
    This somewhat confused me until I was then told that it was the inner and outer ear one side and inner ear the other.

  3. The worst thing is, I’m watching the extras (which are very interesting, shows you who they made the original intro sequences) on my Doctor Who “Robot” DVD (Tom Baker’s first story), and I’ve got it up really loud so I can hear it :o)

    Still, as mince as this week has been, I might have to go and be in a tent on Sunday.

  4. I’ve had ear trouble for a few weeks recently, totally filled with wax and the liquids you can buy to clear aren’t that good. Taking a place actually helped, with the air pressure variations…

    Felt weird to have to ask my colleagues to bare in mind I could not really hear them…bliss on the tram though, not being able to hear the inane chatter of other people…

  5. Met a guy on Skye many years ago who had driven up with his minivan’s sliding window (remember them?)open all night. He not only had ear trouble like yours but was unable to shut his right eye (Bell’s Palsy). Poor guy tried to drive the Glenbrittle road with a towel over the right side of his face! Fortunately, just after we found him on his side in a ditch, a minibus full of scouts arrived – they have their uses!
    Mind how you drive Pete.

  6. I’m kinda glad my rather lame ailment has rung a sympathetic chord with fello sufferers.
    Let us wield our titanium ear trumpets with pride and let the doubters scorn fall on deaf ears.

  7. I also suffered from loss of hearing back in February. A right bastard it was too. Although I agree constantly asking for things to be repeated was amusing.

    After a week of pouring boiling oil in my ears I had them ‘syringed’ (a nasty word for simply squiting high pressure water in your lug ‘oles). The clairty of sound post clean is fantastic.

  8. Many a time i’ve had olive oil in my ear with half a packet of cotton wool to stop the dripping onto cushions palaver.
    When we were really wee it was almond oil. Heated up by the coal fire, let to cool down a bit, then it was bent over my mums knee to have it poured in. It seemed to do the trick though.

    Are you better now?

  9. I went without oil since last night as I was getting two fillings fixed today and I didn’t want to drip on the dentist’s chair as well as cry.
    Hearing is back a bit and the dentist was pain free, add that to the sunrise me and Bobinson saw yesterday and I think week is downhill from here.

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