“Ello, is that Mr Mackafalane?”
“We are from Microsoft and we are telling you about your computer”
“Are you now?”
“We have detected a virus on your computer.”
“Oh my god!”
“We are offering service to restore and remove your virus and there will be no more slow”
“Brilliant, would you like me to give you control of my computer so you can fix it?”
“Would you like my credit card details just now so I can pay you?”
“Please, help me quickly, everything is on this computer, my business details, all my accounts, the deeds to my home and all my passwords because I can’t remember them.”
“..ah, er…” Tension, confusion and excitement apparently mounting on the other end of the line.
“Could I speak to a supervisor, before we start the process I’d like to confirm my details.” Phone is rather obviously and noisily passed to whatever muppet is sitting next to the original muppet urging them on.
“Yes, er, Sir…?”
“Look you scamming bastard, if you want to take my stuff you’re going to have to get your shit together and make a much slicker attempt than this.”
“Hmm, you might have a point there Sir”.
That final statement left me with a raised eyebrow and mixed emotions. At least if they’re talking to me they’re not bothering some other poor sod.